Sunday, 31 August 2014

patriot. | when being in the vistlip fandom.

when being in a fandom, there are always these two sides of a kind. do you know the feeling love being in a fandom but otherwise also hate being a part of it? i'm having these kinds of feelings since i joined several fandoms. but the fandom that brings head- and bellyaches me the most is the fandom of vistlip - even it's also my favorite one.
there are several things i really love the vistlip fandom for: most of the people oversea are really nice, they don't blame you if you don't know everything, they help you with information. even they are from another country they try to stay in contact with you as good as they can. they feel free to share what they have - so that other people can be as happy as you are. they are really talkative and friendly. and you can talk about other stuff than only THE BAND about them. i loved being in the fandom since day one. but since vistlip started to become more and more popular, most of the oversea fans of vistlip annoy the freakin' heck out of me.
let me start from the beginning, when i went to japan in the year of 2012. i loved the oversea fandom and started to hate the japanese fandom  of vistlip, because they blamed me and hated me as well. you know there was the accident of vistlip in the tunnel? i uploaded the video of the newsreport which was on japanese tellie to youtube to inform oversea people who hasn't heard the details of it. the japanese fandom started commenting very rude things against the uploader (which was me) under the video. like vistlip would hate me for uploading, like if i even care, if i would love to take them down like that. they told me something like i'm not a fan, when i'm happy to show it to the world - but actually the reason for uploading was something completely different, which they didn't understood. it could be that they were just more touched than we ever could, since they knew more and more details than we oversea people knew, but that was something which was always an unanswered question for me. anyways; my picture, blogs, twitter account went through the whole fandom in japan and since that time i got messages everyday of how rude and bad i was.
when i went to the anniversary concert of vistlip in 2012 i heard voices saying 'it's her, it's that bitch who uploaded the video and stuff' - i got completely ignored by everyone. even it was my first concert of my favorite band on that day, i couldn't really enjoy it, because everyone bumped hard into me and i even had fingernails in the neck. they hated me, and i started to hate them.
later that year, my account on youtube got suspended, because many people reported it to youtube. i was super sad, because i thought nobody really got my point. but i came back with another account - and uploaded nearly every video again - except of the one from the accident.
people from the oversea fandom really were very nice to that time. i found many friends there, friends i would never wanna miss (of what i can say today, as i am standing here). i found the most beautiful oversea fandom in the world, i thought, which was like a big family. and so i was happy to be their so called 'vistmama'.
but how bigger the so called family got, the more people got seperated into kind of groups. even it sounds harsh, i would say, that the group i am still running with, still is the nicest of everyone. you should know that since vistlip got more and more popular, more and more streetteams got online. at first i was happy about that, but later this causes much trouble within the fandom. i had a streetteam/support page as well, but i stopped running it, because i was really angry about other streetteams started stealing stuffs from websites or other support pages without even tagging a single credit. i got pissed off the first time because of that. pissed off of a fandom, i am really into. what i really loved from the fandom 'group' i am still running with was, that even if one of us was in japan or elsewhere, seeing our favorite band live - no one of them was really jealous. they were cheering, were like 'give a greet to them!' and just be happy that someone of us made it. they were curious about what the fan will tell what happend at/in or after the concerts or instores. it's still such a happy round were everybody is just happy for everyone. and i really love being a part of it. especially at facebook and tumblr i was able to see whole different fandom groups. groups which are battling the hell out of it. it's like they're arguing about, who is the biggest fan of the band and who deserves it more being at one of there concerts. at tumblr, at a blog where people talk about fangirls and bangyas, i was browsing for vistlip for a reason - and i have found some sentences about me. someone was talking about my pseudonym in the internet and run myself down. he/she wrote something like 'she think she's the biggest fan in germany, europe and oversea and nobody is better than her. she is such an egoist and is totally cocky. she feels like she's the uber fan but in the end, she is just a fangirl aka a totally sick person who don't know nothing about the band.'.
my mouth was falling to the ground. i couldn't believe what i read, but it was standing there. black on white. i didn't knew people in the internet thought i was like that. i never thought i acted kind of cocky or bitchy against other people - and with sharing what i had, i didn't understood how someone could name me an egoist. i couldn't understood the whole thing - but the thing that made me really angry was, that the person who wrote it, seems to be someone out of the fandom i love so much. the fandom i thought which was like a family, who could talk about everything. but no, i realized that, when a band is getting bigger and bigger, the fandom will change and a battle will begin. the battle of who is the best and who isn't. the battle of who is a bad, and who is a good fan. the battle of who deserves it and who doesn't. they're running fans down, shooting against each other. they start quarrels, disagreements, beefs. something i would have never expected in a fandom like vistlips. i was really sad something like that has happend. i mean, vistlip fans are like a family. so we should act like a family, not like enemies right?
when i went to japan this year, in 2014, i went to a vistlip concert again. the people recognized me again, but some of them came to me and were apologizing for no reason. they were nice, saying, they have act wrong, that they are just happy that vistlip also have oversea fans. that they are proud having someone like me, giving so much money and heart to OUR band. that they are proud OUR band has made it so far. they were like the nicest people on earth. even we had a few difficulties understanding each other because my japanese was as good as their english (mostely likely horrible) we chatted the whole day. there was no fighting, no arguing. we were just fans, talking. i felt like being in a family again, where it doesn't matter how much you own and how much you are in love with a band. when you love the band, and be here for them to support them, it was right. you are part of the fandom when it was like that. it was a real pleasure being there. and i was really glad i met such wonderful people in the vistlip fandom this year. from that day, i secretely changed my mind on the fandom (which is actually kinda sad). as i said in the beginning, i hated the japanese and loved the oversea fandom. actually it's like the other way round, which is making me sad. i mean; we all started small. we all started here. why is the fandom now challenging? why you need to challenge when it's just about loving a band?
there is no uber fan, who is or will be the best fan in the world or outside of japan. WE ALL ARE the biggest fans. because we are FANS. and we support the band with our heart and everything else we can support them with. we should act like a family again. vistlip are happy with every fan they have. because every fan means continuing a minute more of doing what they love. and what they love doing is what we love them for making right?
so please everyone, could we be happy together again? it really hurts seeing the fandom breaks more and more with every jealousy and egoism we still actually have in here... i want my big vistlip family back. because there is no 'i' in team.

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

aquamarine. | i am mature now.

did you ever had the feeling of having a cut in your life? i would say that until now my life went through different cuts and scenes but the middle of the year twothousandfourteen for me, was the biggest cut in my life.
not even because my whole environment changed, no, also because i finally got what it means being mature. i'm living in my own flat for three years now, but does this making me mature already? i have a job, earn my own money - does this means i'm mature?
it doesn't.
even i always thought i am. but one day, you will realize, there is this one day, there is this one moment, this one situation - it's not even a special moment - it's just a sign ; and then you know you are mature now. it's kinda sad to know this got me twentytwo years - but it got myself earlier than i already thought. anyway, in my heart i'm a still a child - and i always will be. but i can say that i can finally live my life on my own two feet. i am myself, nobody can change me. i got mature.